it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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