I just saw a hot homeless man
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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