Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
