So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
