oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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