We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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