K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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