My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
