I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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