My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
