I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
