I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize