can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
