I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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