I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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