the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize