I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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