I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
