Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
