After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize