Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
