you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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