I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
