I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
