I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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