Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
