based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
