I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize