Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize