drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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