Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize