This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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