Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
