Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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