haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
