This girl is more easily done than said...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A+ Viking dick
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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