it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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