i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
