Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
