Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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