My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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