i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
