and you said cock pushups were impossible
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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