I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
