The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
