he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
being pregnant is like rehab
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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