Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
