isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize