Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
