I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize