ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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