Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
