I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
