As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
