Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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