I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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