why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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