i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
