I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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