Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
