so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
