Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
