it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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