Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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