the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
