you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
