He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
