The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
