It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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