My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
