I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
