I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
