That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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