I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
