Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
