i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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