your parents love me but you hate me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
