Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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