3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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